This is quite a special episode for me because I had the opportunity to interview Eric Hodgdon, and Eric is a coach, an author, a speaker, and Zoe’s dad. After losing his 15 year old daughter, Zoe to suicide in early 2014, Eric found a way to get back and through his grief journey, sharing the lessons that he has learned so that no one else has to walk alone on theirs. Eric has trained thousands of people who simply wanted to know how to navigate one of the hardest things that a human can endure, which is the loss of a loved one.
Eric and I met just over two years ago. I was looking for a coach to help to help me tell my story about losing Chris, my husband, to alcoholism. And I had this thought that I could do some public speaking, share the experience to help others and may be one day, do a TEDx talk.
And the other special thing about this interview is that it took place almost exactly one year since I published my TEDx talk, the talk that Eric coached me on.
When we started working together, I was in a very, very different place. And I was in a place that was riddled with fear. So much grief, so much grief, which I know I felt that Eric understood. My story was one that was filled with anger, guilt, some sham. I felt exhausted and broken and I just kept running through my head. Why does my life have to be this hard? Why did this happen to me?
With each word, we heal.
Here’s a glance at this episode…[07:21] When we’re going through a setback, no matter what that is, it is the story that we tell ourselves that makes a difference in how we move through it. It may paralyze us. It may, it may propel us. It may, it may keep us stuck for years, if not decades. I think on any journey that if I think if we can meet people where they are, we can help them to discover maybe where they want to go and guide them. [11:47] And so grief is a journey that we to walk ourselves. You know, I can’t walk it for anybody, but I can certainly walk with them. And when you and I had our first conversation, I was envisioning me standing next to you where you were on your journey and knowing that, okay, there’s going to be some rough terrain that we’re going to have to navigate. There’s going to have to be some obstacles, but I’ve done this. [13:01] And I think one of them was your friend who was reminding you to put your crown on. Could you tell me a little bit more about that again? Cause I really, I love that. That was so powerful. I got emotional. When you told me. That was pivotal for you. That’s when everything changed. [15:20] I started to realize more of the conversations that I was having in my head. So I started to be more aware of the thoughts that I had and how those thoughts for driving my behavior. Because a lot of what I was doing was holding on to things and holding onto the past because of guilt of, [16:15] Tell me a little bit more about how you think story and the stories that we tell ourselves. How do you think that can help somebody along their, their healing journey and their, through their grieving? [16:32] Well, it, it builds trust. It’s an accelerant to trust when you are navigating your day, going day to day, we never really know what somebody else is going through unless they share it with you. Strangers, family, friends, and story is a way to connect deeply with someone and become re relatable to their pain, but also relevant to their dreams and what they want.
[27:15] First of all, you’ve got to give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel and to go through what you’re going through.
Time is not the driver of your healing process. It is a companion along the way.
[32:49] And so forgive me, I don’t know who said this, but movement and meaning are inextricably linked. And so if we can find ways to keep moving through a survival mode and moving through a phase of having some better days with some days that we’ll still feel like we’re on day one again, but continuing to move forward, we’ll find that eventually we can live beyond the loss.
There’s no one right way to grieve. There’s no timeline. There’s no agenda. There’s no pace, but your own.
Movement and meaning are inextricably linked.
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Blossome is a supportive community for those who have endured losing a loved on to addiction. Find a pathway to peace, let go of guilt, shame and live with self-compassion and joy. Join the Blossome community where you’ll find others who are on a healing journey, supporting each other after losing a loved on to addiction.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.