The things we allow 

Life is shaped by the things that we allow.  What you allow will continue. What you allow, you accept.  With this in mind, it’s important to take notice of what you are allowing in your life. What we allow can be both incredibly positive and destructive in life. 

Last week, I was painting my house, getting it ready to put it up for sale. After two very long days of hard graft, my house was looking amazing. Painting the stairs moving upwards, one step at a time, I witnessed scruffy, dirty neglected stairs transform in front of me, into a smooth, gleaming surface, full of love. At two am, as I painted the last step, I paused for a moment. Looking down at each of the steps, I saw a completely different staircase. It took my breath away and I was so proud of how good it looked. Each step was painted with a little bit of love.  But the thing that struck me the most was that I allowed the stairs to get so scruffy. I allowed the whole house to get scruffy. Somehow, I lost myself in that house, the house where I lost my husband. I allowed myself to get lost. 

Stopping things from happening to us takes both courage and self love. You have to love and respect yourself enough so that you can stop, reject, or refuse the things that you should no longer allow in your life – including self neglect and people. You are worth it. 

How do you allow people to treat you?

You can’t control other people’s behaviour but you can control how you respond. You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you encourage. 

Whatever you allow will continue and ultimately become your life. 

That person who always breaks their promises.

The person who tells you lies. 

The person who always lets you down. 

The person who never spends the time with you that you’d like. 

The person who sucks your energy dry. 

Share the hurt and the pain that they cause. Let them know how their treatment affects you. If you don’t speak up, they will never know, and the treatment will continue. Setting boundaries to take care of you not only helps you, but it also helps your addict or alcoholic.  Anna at We Are Recovery talks passionately about boundaries and setting your loved one from the addict.  It’s so important to learn this because even if you lose your loved one, how you allow people to treat you will continue. Life will not get better until you decide to change how you allow people to treat you. 

How do allow you to treat your self?

Stop and consider for a moment, how you treat yourself.  Do you speak to yourself with loving kindness?  Do you care for your body, for your heart, and soul? Do you reflect on how you treat yourself, or are you always putting yourself at the bottom of the list?

4 years ago, I saw a photo of myself and it made me gasp. “How did I allow myself to get that way? “ I allowed myself to get that way, no one else. 

Here are some things that have happened to me over the years, indicators that I was allowing myself to neglect my needs:  

“I never get to drink a hot cup of tea. It’s always cold.” 

“I never get any time for myself.” 

“I can’t remember the last time I read a book. I don’t have time” 

“The kids even interrupt me when I’m in the batch. I just can’t find any time for me.” 

“I don’t have time to exercise”

“I don’t have time for hobbies.” 

“I don’t have time to establish a regular yoga practice.”

“I have to do it myself if I want to get it done properly”

“I haven’t had a chance to use the toilet all day.”

“I can’t sit and meditate. My house is full of noise and interruptions. It’s pointless.”

Your life is your own. And you are responsible for the quality of it. What you allow will continue. In the Blossome Community we work though together identifying what we allow, our reasons for allowing it, and the cost of allowing these things. Then we make some decisions and take action to change what we allow – supporting each other through the changes. Join us and work through this wether with the support of the Blossome community.

Kim Moore Blossome

About Kim More

Kim lost her husband to alcohol dependency in 2017. She created the Blossome Community to help others enduring losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction find a Pathway to Peace so they can let go of guilt/shame and live with self-compassion and joy.

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