Walking on eggshells became a way of life for me. I was always being overly careful around my husband, not wanting to upset him and cause him to start drinking. I did not want to say anything that would cause a blow up. I didn’t want my kids to see the blowup and emotionally I was worried I’d break if I had to deal with another one. I thought those days were long gone. I thought that they had stopped when my husband passed away five and a half years ago. But the honest truth is that I am still walking on eggshells, and I have only just realised it.
We all do it at times,
Not wanting to rock the boat. Not saying what we really think. Not asking too many questions, afraid of the answers. Not wanting to stir the pot. Maybe bring it up when the time is right.
When it involves someone we love, we simply don’t want to cause upset, so we ease off and keep quiet. It’s just easier that way. But some of us have done this so often and for so long, we begin to lose ourselves. We cope and stay safe from our loved one’s unpredictable, volatile behaviours by walking on eggshells. Not making waves becomes a way of life. And so does staying quiet. We don’t realise the impact it’s having on our lives, because we are focused on staying safe and comfortable.
I’ve been walking on eggshells for so long, my brain is wired to do it, and I’m a master at it. But it’s time to make a change.
Today I acknowledge that I am no longer willing to walk on eggshells. No more filtered thoughts, no more procrastinating out of fear of getting things wrong. No more waiting for perfection and the moment when everything will be just right.
How to stop walking on eggshells
So how do you stop walking on eggshells?
- Firstly, become aware of when you are doing it. Notice when you are going quiet, not saying what you want to say, procrastinating, or feeling anxious.
- Be in the moment – pause. Breathe. Practice mindfulness. Do something that puts you in the present, and out of those anxious thoughts.
- Notice your emotions – see if you can identify how you are truly feeling.
- Take action. Do something different and by doing something different, this is how you rewire your brain.
One thing at a time, at your own pace.
One of the important things that I learned after my husband died, was that the challenges weren’t over. They didn’t go away with his death. When he died, the hard work began – working on me.
When you heal, and you think you are healed, new layers surface. We can continue to go deeper. And we continue to blossome, opening up even more beautifully, opening up to joy. Healing is difficult alone. Join the community of people who understand what it feels like to heal after losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction. Join the Blossome Community and together we can stop walking on eggshells.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.