I am being extra kind to myself today because today is the anniversary of my husband’s death. The grief is still there. It will always be there but this year it is different, just like every year on this anniversary. Today marks six years since we lost Chris, my husband, to alcoholism. When my phone buzzed early in the morning and I saw it was from Andy, Chris’ best mate, the tears came. Today was the day and somehow it snuck up on me. I knew it was coming, but I lost track of the days. There was no escaping that today was the 15th May.
Every other year, I have been busy. Busy doing anything to avoid the emotions, although I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. Last year I sat by his grave and talked to him. And I cried. It was a long much needed conversation, and I think it was the start of a different level of emotional healing for me. But before I got to the grave, I was busy. Busy looking for the right things to buy to take to his grave.I now know that being busy has been my way of avoiding feeling the emotions. The grief can be complicated and difficult to recover from, but you can.
We don’t move on from grief. We move forward with it . I heard this in an amazing Ted talk – The messy truth about grief | Nora McInerny. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it.
I’ve been moving forward with grief. Chris is still so very present with us.
I see him through my kids every day.
I see him in every birthday, holiday, anniversary and milestone.
Last week my son submitted his dissertation for his university studies. The final line in his acknowledgement was to his Dad “And to Dad, I wish you were here to read this.”
The grief always shows up for these milestones.
I’ve become comfortable with the grief. I know that it will always surprise me, and when it does I stop, feel it all. I breathe. I cry. I’ve learned how to move forward with the grief, and grow around the grief.
You can too.
If you are wanting help with your self-care so you can create lasting changes in your life, join the Blossome community for support and encouragement while you learn how to take care of you. Follow a guided journey at your own pace, while you build healthy new habits, stay accountable and keep moving forward with your healing. You are worth it. Join the Blossome community.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.