Self-care is many things, but there is one thing that it is not – optional. If you are not taking care of yourself, your body will eventually find a way to force you to. You won’t have a choice. When something is so important, it is important to understand why it might feel so hard for you.
You are not alone in feeling that self-care is hard. For ALL of us, at some point, it has felt like an elusive goal, easier said than done. Prioritising self-care can feel like an uphill battle, fraught with guilt, anxiety, and resistance.
So why is self-care easier for others than it is for you? The ones who seem to manage self-care with ease, they faced the same struggles you faced, but they are now at a different stage of change than you.
Self-care is easier when you to change the relationship that you have towards caring for yourself. Taking care of yourself is challenging at first because it requires you to be honest with yourself and face some truths that you’ve most likely been ignoring.
In the beginning, we don’t know that there is even a need to change the way that we care for ourselves, and we certainly don’t need help. We don’t think there’s a problem.
When living in an environment where there is active addiction, it’s easier to see problems elsewhere, so our own denial rages on. Usually something happens to wake us up to the stark reality that there is a problem, a habitual pattern that needs to change. Often we see this through the reaction of another person, the way they look at us when they observe what’s happening in our life. They may say something, or their expression may say enough. Or our body simply stops in some way. Illness or pain brings life to a stop.
But even then, we tussle with the pain of changing that pattern. “Aw it’s not that bad, it’s easier to just stay as we are.” Eventually we realise that the long-term benefits of changing the pattern will outweigh the short-term costs. How long it eventually takes is different for everyone. We do things in our our time.
Eventually, we start to try to change when we reach a point when we feel some determination..
“I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”
“I’ve had enough.”
“Something has got to change.”
“I can’t go on like this anymore.”
We reach a point when we realise we are the ones who have to change. We realise that we need to change our relationship with how we care for ourselves. That’s when we start to ask questions and look around for direction and answers.
Then we start to try different ways of practicing self-care. The ones who find this easier are the ones who spend time researching and planning what might help them the most, and looking for ways to get support. They look for ways to set intentions and plan for rewarding progress. The ones who struggle tend to be those who dive straight in, with no support.
Eventually, we reach the stage where self-care becomes part of our lifestyle and we craft ways to maintain this lifestyle. We know that there will be setbacks and know how we’ll manage them, with support being a crucial part of the plan. At this stage, we find meaning through self-care and healing. We discover that it’s not about striving to be the best version of ourselves, it’s about loving ourselves as we are in this moment.
So if you are wondering why self-care is easier for others than it is for you, know that it isn’t. It’s all a process of change and the way to get through that change is with commitment, acceptance, honesty, self-love, self-compassion and support.
Blossome offers a safe brave space in the Blossome Community, a peer support group for anyone affected by someone else’s battle with alcohol dependency or addiction. You are not alone. Together we learn self-care and find kinder ways of living with self-care and self-compassion. Join the Blossome Community.Self-care Community
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.
Kim lost her husband to alcohol dependency in 2017. She created the Blossome Community to help others enduring losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction find a Pathway to Peace so they can let go of guilt/shame and live with self-compassion and joy.
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