Have you ever wanted your life to change? I always wanted my life to change- so I could feel happy. The truth is, I had always hoped for my husband Chris to stop drinking, to be well, then I could be happy.
I had never considered that he wouldn’t stop drinking. Goodness no, because that would mean I’d never be happy again. I clung on to the hope that he’d crack it and we’d be a happy family.
Me and Chris, 1998That day never came.  And I lost all hope of ever feeling happy again.
It wasn’t until 18 months after Chris died that it hit me- my happiness was up to me. Only I could make myself happy. And no new relationship could fill that empty space inside of me.
If you are reading this feeling that your loved one may not recover, please hold onto the hope that they will. So many do. And there is something that you can to do help them- take care of yourself – because you matter too.
If you are bereaved like me, the message is the same – take care of yourself – because you matter too.
At some point, I decided I mattered. It was time to deal with the messy stuff inside of me. I just did t know how or where to start.
What does that actually mean to take care of yourself?
Over the past 7 years, I have explored this question. It’s not about massages and bubble baths, although those are good too! It goes much deeper. I have learned that it means caring about ourselves enough to treat ourselves with compassion and loving kindness.
I needed to commit to my own self-care. I needed to commit to changing the relationship that I have with myself. I needed to work through all of those unpleasant emotions- the frustration, the anger, the guilt, the resentment, the despair, the fear, and the big one- shame- we’ve got to deal with all of the messy stuff that’s inside of us – or we carry its heavyweight everywhere we go – with no room for happiness.
If we deal with the messy stuff, it changes everything. Not just for us but for everyone around us. And it changes everything, in a good way. Yes, we can begin to cultivate happiness and open up to joy.
I’ve spent the last 6 days going even deeper into the messy stuff that’s inside of me. It’s been 6 days of self-compassion teacher training. Six days that have changed my life forever.
Just to clarify, it’s not been a quick fix in 6 days. Goodness no. It’s been a long and winding road and practicing self-compassion for the past 3 years has been a bit part of this journey for me. How long it takes is different for each of us. But we can learn to practice self-care, and the skill that makes it easier is self compassion.
Self-compassion resources us.
We can learn different practices that help us deal with the messy stuff. In truth, self- compassion helps us to sit with the hard, unpleasant emotions. You’ve got to feel it to heal it. But we can feel it with more skill, easing our suffering. And that’s what makes it easier to do this work on ourselves.
And as a self-compassion teacher, that is what I can help you learn, alongside others in the Blossome community. Together, we can learn self-compassion.
“Who knew it required you to be brave to like yourself. “That was something that Abbi, a fellow trainee said and it’s one of the best comments I’ve ever heard.
We have to be brave.
It takes courage to learn to like yourself because liking yourself requires radical acceptance of what is – who you are, just as you are. Getting to that place takes work, honesty and diving into the undergrowth, the places we tend not to go within ourselves. It involves bearing witness to all that is there. No hiding, no masks, no denial, just acceptance.
No denial.
I certainly had an abundance of denial in my life, not only around accepting Chris’ alcoholism, but around accepting my own crumbling wellbeing, and the truth about how I was really feeling. Denial had become a natural patterned response and I just couldn’t see it. But with acceptance, change can happen. Six days have changed my life forever.
Six days can change yours too.
You can learn self compassion in the Blossome Community alongside others who have been affected by a loved ones addiction. We offer choice of how you may choose to learn:
I’ve, learned how to fill that empty space inside of me, with love for myself, through learning self-compassion.
Ask yourself, what do I need right now? That is the most self-compassionate thing you can do for yourself. You matter too. Keep asking yourself that question, every day. Join others in the Blossome self-care community and learn how to care for yourself with self compassion.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.
Kim lost her husband to alcohol dependency in 2017. She created the Blossome Community to help others enduring losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction find a Pathway to Peace so they can let go of guilt/shame and live with self-compassion and joy.
Every Monday morning, start you week on a positive note with a Wonderful Week of Blossoming.
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