This week, I want to share a simple but powerful self-compassion practice with you: Soothing Compassionate Touch.
We all know how comforting it can feel when someone we love gives us a hug, holds our hand, or gently rubs our back. The beautiful thing is our bodies don’t know the difference between compassionate touch from another person and compassionate touch we give ourselves.
I wanted to share this because earlier in the week I had been exchanging messages with an old friend. He’s been having a hard time. So I asked him “What would you say to a dear friend who was having the same struggles that you are having?” He replied, “I think I would say “Can you just hold me for a while?” He didn’t quite get the question I was asking, but what was very clear, he needed to be held.
We all need to be held, to feel human touch – because we are human. It’s comforting. And one of the easiest and quickest ways to show yourself compassion is with Soothing Touch.
When we are struggling, if we physically hold our bodies as a response to difficult thoughts and emotions, it impacts us in several ways. This is how Kristen Neff, Self-compassion Researcher and Co-Founder of Mindful Self-compassion explains it:
“When we physically hold our bodies in response to difficult thoughts and emotions, it impacts us in several ways. First, it moves our focus out of our heads into our bodies so that we are not as caught by the storyline of what we’re feeling. This helps us to feel grounded and present. Second, it triggers a sense of care and safety that is built into our nervous system. That’s because we evolved to interpret touch as a signal of care – imagine how an infant is calmed and soothed when held in their parents’ arms. Finally, touch changes our physiology by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing cortisol levels, and increasing levels of feel-good hormones like oxytocin. This helps us to feel calmer and more relaxed.” Neff, Selfcompassion.org
Soothing Touch is about placing your hands on your own body in a way that feels supportive. You might try:
It might feel a little strange at first, but stay with it. Notice how your body responds. Sometimes, it’s the smallest gestures that begin to shift us out of stress and into safety.
Have you ever noticed how a hug or a gentle hand on your shoulder can instantly help you feel safe? The same is true when you offer yourself caring touch. Research shows that soothing touch activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of our body that calms stress and restores balance.
According to self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, “touch activates the care system and the parasympathetic nervous system to help us calm down and feel safe.” Studies also show that touch can lower cortisol (our stress hormone) and increase oxytocin (the feel-good hormone linked to connection and safety) (Self-Compassion.org).
Psychologists at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center also note that self-compassionate touch can quickly bring us out of fight-or-flight and into a calmer state of mind (Greater Good Science Center).
Even neuroscience research confirms it: light, gentle self-touch has been shown to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, slowing the heart rate and promoting relaxation (Biology Insights).
Take a moment. Place your hand over your heart, your cheek, or hold your own hand in your lap. Notice the warmth and gentle pressure. Breathe slowly, letting your body respond. This simple gesture tells your nervous system: You are safe. You are cared for.
This is a practice I return to again and again, especially when I can feel overwhelm sneaking up, when I’m overthinking, or when I just need a reminder that I am here for myself.
💗 This week, I invite you to try Soothing Touch. Notice what feels natural for you, and use it whenever you need a moment of kindness.
I’ve recorded a short video to guide you through this practice. You can watch it here: Watch Soothing Touch
Learning and practicing self-care and self-compassion is so much easier when we don’t do it alone. In the Blossome Community, you’ll find a safe, supportive space to explore these practices with others who understand the unique challenges of loving someone struggling with addiction. Together, we can nurture healing, resilience, and gentle self-kindness. Join the Blossome Community today and take a step toward supporting your own healing and recovery.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.
Kim lost her husband to alcohol dependency in 2017. She created the Blossome Community to help others enduring losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction find a Pathway to Peace so they can let go of guilt/shame and live with self-compassion and joy.
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