Be a Slow Learner

When we’re healing or trying to care for ourselves, it’s tempting to want to “get there” quickly, to do it right, to finally feel better. This was how I felt, exhausted by years of trying to stay afloat in the wake of the chaos of my husband’s alcohol dependency. I just needed relief — for the tension to ease, the aches to subside, and the migraines to stop. I couldn’t take any more and I needed things to change – now.  I am sure that I am not alone in that feeling. It may be something that you can relate to. Self-compassion has helped ease this suffering and I am sure that it can help you too.

In the midst of this desire for change, this week’s Sunday Self-care tip is simple: be a slow learner.

When we allow ourselves to be a slow learner, it helps with slowing down, becoming aware, being present in our experiences and opening up to the concept of self-compassion. It also helps your nervous system feel safe.

Being a slow learner felt strange to me at first. Eventually I learned that self-compassion isn’t about striving for results , something I had been programmed to do all my life. Instead, it asks us to hold our difficult emotions and meet ourselves with kindness, exactly where we are.

This week’s Self-compassion Practice – Soften Soothe Allow

One of the simplest and most supportive practices I’ve found for the discomfort of being a slow learner is Soften, Soothe, Allow. This gentle self-compassion practice is designed to help you hold difficult emotions with gentleness and care. It supports you in turning toward emotional pain without being overwhelmed by it, using the tools of mindfulness, warmth, and acceptance.

Rather than pushing emotions away or trying to fix them, you’ll learn to soften around the pain, soothe yourself with kindness, and allow the experience to simply be, exactly as it is. With practice, over time, this approach can reduce emotional reactivity and increase your capacity to respond with balance and compassion.

🌸 Soften
When you feel emotional discomfort, maybe tension, shame, or anxiety, notice where it lives in your body. Without trying to push it away, gently soften around the edges. Imagine giving that tight place a little room to breathe.

🌸 Soothe
Offer yourself comfort, as you might to a dear friend. Place a hand on your heart, or whisper something kind like, “This is hard right now, and I’m here with you.” As Chris Germer teaches, soothing ourselves activates our natural care system, calming the body and mind, activating the parasympathetic nervous system.

🌸 Allow
Rather than rushing to change how you feel, allow the experience to be present. Neff describes this as making space for our emotions, without judgment. It’s not resignation, but an acceptance that opens the door for gentle shifts to happen in their own time.

You can follow the guided meditation led by Dr Kristen Neff here:

Be a Slow Learner

We don’t have to be quick learners. Self-compassion invites us to be slow learners, allowing ourselves to stumble, to take time, and to rest in the process. When we let go of fixing and simply practice softening, soothing, and allowing, change has the space to naturally emerge.

This week, if you notice yourself striving or getting caught in self-criticism, try this practice. Let it be an experiment in patience, not a way to get somewhere, but a way to be with yourself, just as you are.

If you have been affected by someone else’s drinking, drug use, gambling or any addiction, you are not alone. We are here for you. It’s time to to take care of you. Self-care is easier in the Blossome Community. 

Soften Soothe Allow is a practice from the evidence based Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) approach, developed by Neff and Chris Germer.

Kim Moore

Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim  founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.