Change Happens from the Inside Out

I love this time of year, the space between what was and what could be. There’s a sense of freedom, joy, and possibility. I can feel a warmth in my body and a space where worry doesn’t fully take over.

But it hasn’t always felt this way.

For a long time, this moment at the end of the year felt heavy.
I carried a weight in my chest, the weight of what hadn’t worked, what I’d lost, what I felt I should have done differently. I held tightly to the past, replaying it, trying to control what came next so I wouldn’t feel that pain again.

And then I added more pressure.
Pressure to change.
Pressure to do better.
Pressure to make the next year different.

You might recognise this.

Even now, my mind will try to play the old records:
“You failed at that.
You tried and couldn’t stick with it.
Here we go again.”

The difference is not that those thoughts have stopped. It’s that they no longer run the show. I have the resources within me to change the records.

“Ah, there you are. Trying to protect me from the hurt of failure. You mean well, but I’m good now. More than good. I am resourced and ready. ”

I’m staying present with worry – noticing it without it pulling everything out from under me. The unfinished pile is still there. The deadlines that can’t move are still there. I can feel how my body wants to tighten, to grip, to control.

Instead of bracing, I’m learning to let go.

• Let go of the tension.
• Let go of the story that I have to carry everything alone.
• Let go of the belief that change only happens through force.
• Let go of learning my belonging through effort, and instead allowing myself to belong through presence.

When I slow down and listen, the worry isn’t telling me I’m failing.
It’s telling me my heart is tired of holding so much on its own.

For a long time, I lived there, watching from the edges, carrying a heavy heart quietly, telling myself I’d reach out later. This time, I didn’t wait. I allowed myself to be supported.

Self-Care Reminder: Change Happens From the Inside Out

Real change didn’t come from setting harder goals or pushing myself forward.
It began much more simply by noticing.

Noticing what I’m feeling.
Noticing what I’m saying to myself.
Noticing what I actually need.
That’s where the new relationship with yourself starts, not with fixing or improving, but with paying attention – by noticing.

One simple way to practise noticing, is to pause and gently ask:
What do I need right now? What am I holding onto right now – and what would it be like to loosen my grip, just a little?

You don’t need to fix anything.
You don’t need to force a new version of yourself.

Sometimes change begins the moment you start noticing and stop carrying the weight alone.

I’m running a number of programmes for people who are ready to respond to difficulty and difficult emotions in a new way,  with self-compassion rather than pressure. This is about easing the heavy weight on your heart and allowing change to come from the inside out. Learn more here: Learn Self-compassion 

And if, as you’re reading this, you realise you’re not actually ready for change right now,  if simply getting through feels like enough — there’s another reflection written for that place too. You can find it here: When Surviving Is Enough

Surround yourself with others who understand these feelings, in the Blossome self-care Community.

Kim Moore

Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim  founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.