If you have been affected by someone who struggles with addiction, slowing down can feel almost impossible. You become used to being on alert. Listening for changes in someone’s voice. Wondering what mood they’ll be in when they walk through the door. Trying to anticipate problems before they happen. Preparing for the next crisis. Managing responsibilities that shouldn’t all be yours to carry.
Over time, this way of living can become so familiar that your body and mind forget how to switch off. Even when the crisis has passed, you may find yourself constantly busy, always thinking ahead, rushing from one task to the next, rarely pausing long enough to simply be. I know this state of being. Nine years after my husband Chris died, I am still learning how to switch off.
Many people in the Blossome Community describe feeling as though they’re always “on”. Always watching. Always waiting. This is a very human response to prolonged stress and uncertainty.
The challenge is that when we’re living in survival mode, we don’t just become skilled at spotting problems. We can also lose our ability to fully notice and enjoy the good things that are happening around us.
A kind conversation.
The warmth of the sun on your face.
A laugh with a friend.
The taste of your morning coffee.
The feeling of your shoulders softening after a long day.
These moments are still there.
But when our minds are racing ahead to the next thing, we often miss them. Or we notice them for a second before moving straight on.
This month in the Blossome Community, we’re exploring Cultivating Happiness. Not the kind of happiness that comes from having a perfect life. The kind that grows when we create enough space to notice moments of comfort, connection, beauty and joy alongside life’s challenges.
One way we can do this is by slowing down.
Not slowing down everything. Just slowing down for a moment.
Long enough to take a breath.
Long enough to look up.
Long enough to fully experience something pleasant before rushing on to the next thing.
Researchers call this savouring. Savouring means staying with a positive experience for a little longer than you normally would. Allowing yourself to really receive it.
Noticing how it feels in your body.
Letting it matter.
It might only take thirty seconds. But those thirty seconds can help remind your nervous system that life is more than problems to solve and dangers to avoid. There is goodness here too.
Something I have learned over the years through my own self-care is that you can’t simply tell yourself to “switch off” or “just stop”. Most of us don’t know how to do that, especially when our bodies have spent so long on alert.
The real shift begins with learning to pause. And we learn to pause by first learning to slow down.
A pause creates a little space in the moment. Space to notice what is happening. Space to breathe. Space to choose how we respond, rather than falling straight into old patterns of reacting, fixing, managing or bracing for what comes next.
Even a small moment of slowing down can open the possibility of living with more presence, steadiness and connection, even in the midst of pressure and uncertainty.
So this week, let’s practise slowing down together.
Choose one pleasant moment each day and stay with it for just a little longer.
Ask yourself:
Can I stay with this for just a few moments longer?
You don’t need to create happiness.
You don’t need to force gratitude.
Simply slow down enough to notice what is already here.
In the Blossome Community, we know how difficult it can be to step out of survival mode when you’ve spent months, years or decades carrying the impact of someone else’s addiction. That’s why we create gentle opportunities to slow down together.
Whether you join us for a Resourcing Me session, Slow Stitching, a Sunrise Dip, or another self-care activity, you’ll find people who understand. People who know what it feels like to carry too much for too long. People who are learning, one small step at a time, how to put some of that weight down.
Sometimes happiness grows when we slow down enough to notice the good. Sometimes it grows when we realise we don’t have to do it alone. Take a look at our upcoming self-care activities or get in touch to find out more. We’d love to welcome you.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.
Kim lost her husband to alcohol dependency in 2017. She created the Blossome Community to help others enduring losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction find a Pathway to Peace so they can let go of guilt/shame and live with self-compassion and joy.
Every Monday morning, start you week on a positive note with a Wonderful Week of Blossoming.
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