When people hear the word gratitude, they sometimes have mixed reactions. For some, it feels warm and uplifting. For others, it can feel frustrating or even give rise to sadness or anger. Especially when life is difficult. When you’re carrying the impact of someone else’s addiction, grief, loss, stress, or uncertainty, being told to “be grateful” can feel dismissive. As though you’re being asked to ignore what hurts and focus only on the positives. That isn’t what gratitude is.
Gratitude isn’t pretending everything is okay. It’s not forcing yourself to feel positive. And it’s certainly not about being grateful for painful experiences. In fact, when we’re struggling, what we often need first is compassion for how hard things are.
Gratitude is not a replacement for pain. It is not a way of talking ourselves out of difficult emotions.
Instead, gratitude invites us to widen our view. To notice not only what is difficult, but also what is supporting us. A friend who checks in. A safe place to sleep. A walk in nature. A pet curled up beside you. A warm meal. The strength that helped you get through another day.
The truth is that most of us become very skilled at noticing what is wrong.
Our brains are designed that way. We remember criticism more easily than compliments. We replay mistakes more often than successes. We notice problems before we notice support. This is especially true when we have spent years living in uncertainty, stress, or crisis.
Gratitude doesn’t ask us to stop noticing the hard things. It simply asks: What else is true? What else is here alongside the struggle?Perhaps there is kindness. Perhaps there is beauty. Perhaps there is support. Perhaps there is courage. Perhaps there is simply the willingness to keep going, one day at a time.
One of the things I have learned through my own journey is that gratitude and grief can sit side by side. I can miss my husband Chris deeply and still feel grateful for the happy years we shared, and for our children. I can feel sadness and appreciation. Loss and love. Pain and beauty. The human heart is big enough to hold both.
This is why gratitude can be such a powerful practice.
Not because it removes suffering. Not because it fixes what hurts. But because it helps us remember that suffering is not the whole story. And on days when gratitude feels difficult or distant, perhaps the invitation is not to feel gratitude at all. Perhaps the invitation is simply to acknowledge: “This is hard right now.” And to offer ourselves the same kindness we might offer a dear friend. Sometimes self-compassion comes before gratitude. Sometimes self-compassion is the practice.
And that is enough.
If it feels supportive, you might like to experiment with taking a moment at the end of each day to notice one, two, or three things you are grateful for, things you appreciate. They don’t need to be big. Perhaps it’s:- A good cup of tea.
If three feels too much, start with one. If one feels too much, simply notice that. There is no right way to do this. The invitation isn’t to force gratitude. It’s simply to become curious about what supports you. And if what you notice most strongly is struggle, perhaps you might gently ask yourself: “Can I offer myself a little kindness for carrying this?”
In the Blossome Community, we know that selfcare isn’t about denying life’s challenges. It’s about creating space for the whole of our experience.
The difficult moments.
The joyful moments.
And everything in between.
Throughout June, we’re exploring simple practices that help us notice connection, support, gratitude, and self-appreciation. Whether you join us for a Resourcing Me session, a self-care activity, or connect through the Bloom Self-Care Hub, you’ll find a community of people who understand, people who know that healing isn’t about pretending life is easy. It’s about learning how to hold what is difficult with kindness, while also making room for what is good. Sometimes gratitude changes nothing about our circumstances. But it can gently shift what we notice within them. And when gratitude feels out of reach, self-compassion can meet us exactly where we are. Take a look at our upcoming activities or get in touch to find out more. We’d love to welcome you.
Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.
Kim lost her husband to alcohol dependency in 2017. She created the Blossome Community to help others enduring losing a loved one to alcoholism or addiction find a Pathway to Peace so they can let go of guilt/shame and live with self-compassion and joy.
Every Monday morning, start you week on a positive note with a Wonderful Week of Blossoming.
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