How to Make Time for Yourself Without Feeling Guilty

There can be a lot to hold in a day. Things that need doing. People to think about. Messages to answer. Plans to make. Problems to solve. The small practical details of everyday life. And when you are used to thinking about other people, how they are, what they need, what might happen next, it can become very easy to lose sight of yourself. Not deliberately. You simply get pushed a little further down the list. This August at Blossome, our Sunday Self-care theme is Making Room for Yourself.

Making room for yourself doesn’t mean putting yourself before everyone else. It means including your own needs, feelings and wellbeing alongside the people and responsibilities you care about. And you don’t need hours of spare time to begin. Sometimes making room for yourself starts with one small pause and a simple question: What do I need right now?

What does it mean to make room for yourself?

We often think of self-care as something we have to do, another item on our to do list. Go for a walk. Take a bath. Meditate. Exercise. Book some time off. All of those things can be nourishing, but making room for yourself can begin before you do any of them. It begins by remembering that you are here too.

It means approaching daily life by noticing your own experience rather than automatically moving past it.

I’m tired.

I’m overwhelmed.

I need some quiet.

I don’t want to do that.

I’d really like to go outside.

I need some help.

Making room for yourself is allowing those things to matter.

You may not always be able to give yourself exactly what you need. Sometimes other responsibilities genuinely have to take priority. The practice is not about arranging life so that your needs always come first. It is about allowing your needs to be part of the picture.

Why is it so hard to make time for yourself?

If you love, or have loved, someone affected by alcohol or drug use, paying close attention to another person can become second nature. You may become accustomed to wondering how they are, anticipating problems, keeping things going, trying to help or putting your own needs aside. Your attention learns to travel outwards. Even when circumstances change, that habit can remain.

And you don’t have to have experienced a loved one’s substance use to recognise this pattern. Caring for children or parents, work, bereavement, relationships and the ordinary demands of life can all leave very little room for us to notice ourselves. You might find yourself thinking:

I don’t have time.

Other people need me more.

I’ll do something for myself when everything else is sorted.

Or perhaps:

I shouldn’t need this.

The trouble is, everything else is rarely completely sorted. So you wait. And gradually, without necessarily noticing it happening, you disappear a little from your own life.

Is making time for yourself selfish?

For some people, this is where guilt appears. If you are accustomed to caring for others, doing something for yourself can feel uncomfortable, particularly when someone you love is struggling. But making room for yourself doesn’t mean caring less about somebody else. It doesn’t mean becoming selfish. And it doesn’t require you to choose between caring for another person and caring for yourself.

You can care about them and care about you.

Self-compassion helps us move away from an either/or choice, them or me, towards something gentler:

them and me.

Self-compassion is the practice of responding to ourselves with kindness, understanding and support, particularly when life is difficult. It reminds us that we don’t have to earn our place in the circle of care.

Your experience matters too.

Your tiredness matters.

Your feelings matter.

What nourishes you matters.

What you need matters.

How can I start making more room for myself?

Start smaller than you think. You don’t necessarily need to find an hour in your diary or create a new self-care routine. Instead, begin by noticing yourself during the life you are already living.

While making a cup of tea.

When you get into the car.

Before answering another message.

When you notice yourself rushing.

While standing in the garden.

Before agreeing to something.

When you climb into bed at the end of the day.

These tiny pauses give you an opportunity to turn some of your attention back towards yourself.

You might notice your body.

You might notice an emotion.

You might notice that you’ve been pushing through.

You might discover that you need something.

You don’t have to immediately fix whatever you find.

The first practice is simply noticing.

Make the moments count

We can easily imagine that making more time for ourselves requires major changes. A free afternoon. A weekend away. Fewer responsibilities. A completely different routine. Those things can be wonderful. But we don’t have to wait for them. A moment in which you notice yourself is already a small act of self-care.

One breath.

Stepping outside.

Sitting down instead of carrying on for another ten minutes.

Choosing not to answer something immediately.

Allowing yourself to enjoy something without needing to make it useful.

Asking for help.

Letting yourself rest.

These moments might look insignificant from the outside.

But each one carries a quiet message:

I am here too.

That’s where we’re beginning this August. Not with pressure to find more time, put yourself first or do self-care perfectly. Just with the gentle practice of making a little more room for yourself inside the life you already have.

Your Sunday Self-care invitation

Sometime today, pause.

Take one breath.

Ask yourself:

What do I need right now?

Listen to whatever arises with kindness.

Then, if you can, respond with one small act of care.

You don’t have to rearrange your whole life to make room for yourself.

Start with a moment. Make that moment count.

Kim Moore

Kim Moore is the Founder of Blossome CIC. She lost her husband Chris to alcoholism in 2017. She faced a difficult journey while raising 2 children alone, with her family living on the opposite side of the world. Kim  founded the Blossome Community and The Pathway to Peace healing journey so no one would have to feel alone while enduring the trauma of a loved one’s battle with alcoholism or addiction. She is also on a mission to end the generational cycle of alcoholism and addiction in families.